Fresh cuts

Grooming is a favorite topic here at the pitwalk. Some may wonder why I am particularly obsessed with it despite admitting that there are times when I do not even comb my hair*. The answer is, it is just the way I have been raised. Some members of my family are known to be quite particular about appearances and will not hesitate to tell me that I look sloppy.

I still remember an uncle asking my cousin if he had brushed his teeth one day. My cousin glibly replied, “Yes uncle, I have. My teeth are just yellow.” Oh boy, I had to restrain myself from laughing, because we were actually at a cemetery paying our respects.

It was a good thing I didn’t laugh either because that same uncle then turned to me and asked, “Did you comb your hair this morning? It looks a bit messy. When is the last time you had a haircut?” Ouch, it was my turn…

Because of my grooming fixation, I am always pleased when I see someone looking tidy or with a new look. I had considered doing a feature on the Best 2012 Haircuts. But when it came down to it… I couldn’t genuinely say I liked more than one haircut. This (dubious) honor goes to Heikki Kovalainen. Heikki’s new haircut isn’t terribly different from what he had before, it’s just shorter. While Heikki’s hair looks fine styled with gel, I think I prefer it without the gel. I think it’s more flattering and makes him look more approachable.

*In my defense, I have long hair, so I do not get bedhead. My workplace is also located in a windy part of town, so even if I did comb it at home, I have to recomb at my cubicle. And yes, I have been known to do so at my cube. Just sayin’.

F1 and Le Tour de France Battle it Out

Those that read this blog are already aware that one of my “favorite” topics are the ugly sunglasses. Though I did not declare a winner in 2010, we do know who the repeat offenders are, don’t we? 🙂

I have also noticed an alarming number of ugly sunglasses whilst watching the Tour de France (TdF). It seems that the Ugly Sunglasses of Choice for F1 drivers and TdF cyclists is OAKLEY. I thought about it for a little while and it occurred to me that the F1 boys and TdF boys need to have a battle… for the ugliest sunglasses.

Yes that’s right. I have assembled photos for your viewing “pleasure.” Only photos from the 2011 season count. If I have missed a particularly horrendous photo, please drop me a line via twitter, email, or comment. Though I am not fond of them, I am excluding the yellow shades from “The Yellow Shades Project” because I don’t think it’s appropriate. This will be a picture heavy post… you’ve been warned. 😉

Since this is a F1 blog, let’s start with our beloved F1 boys:

Fernando has been a Repeat-Ugly-Sunglasses-Offender (RUSO) this season:

(wroom event)

(Malaysia)

(Montreal)

Although Kubica is not with us in 2011, it seems that Heikki owns the same pair of Oakley Oil Rig sunglasses:

Don’t confuse the Oil Rig with the White Gascan though:

I found the shades Liuzzi wore in Montreal to be particularly terrifying:

F1 newbie Pastor Maldonado also has a pair of ugly sunglasses, proving that he does indeed belong in F1:

Narain Karthikeyan is no longer driving for Hispania, but I did save this photo of him:

Vettel has been much better in 2011 (yay!). However, I did spot a pair of ugly sunglasses this season:

Of course, the King of F1 cannot be forgotton:

Now it’s time for the Tour de France boys. Sadly, I don’t know all of the cyclists’ names since I am not really into cycling. Please enlighten me if you happen to know:

The Schlecks seem enamored with Oakleys with clear lenses…

Frank Schleck:

Andy Schleck:

The carbon Oakleys worn by Cadel Evans is pretty ugly too:

Although I realize these green Rudy Project sunglasses aren’t Oakley, it doesn’t mean they are pretty (OK, they’re not really that bad honestly… I guess I can forgive Phillippe Gilbert…):

What makes these so bad? I duno, maybe the rainbow reflective lens. Sylvain Chavanel looks rather proud of his choice though…

Oh Tyler Farrar… you hid your cuteness behind these awful Oakley Jawbones”

World champion Thor Hushovd has an arsenal of ugly sunglasses:

Did you notice the world champion stripes on these babies? Isn’t it… a little weird?

However… the following pair of Oakleys definitely takes the cake. Oh Fabian Cancellera I am ashamed that I did not recognize you at first. Maybe these Oakleys have disguise power:

Oh. My. Eyes. They hurt. Do yours?

haha.

So what do you think? Compared to the cyclists… the F1 boys aren’t so bad, right? No matter who wins the Tour de France… they have already beaten the very best F1 drivers in one thing: The Ugly Sunglasses Battle.

Did you know that Oakley sunglasses are customizable? The lens and frames colorways can be chosen by the customer. For example, this combination is possible: top half neon green, bottom half (left side) white, bottom half (right side) black.

That is probably one reason why there are some seriously ugly Oakley sunglasses worn in the F1 and TdF world. Remember: just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!

If you are going to customize a pair of Oakley sunglasses, please use these photos as examples of what not to do. 😉

P.S. Photo credit: TdF photos were from cyclingtipsblog.com

Malaysian GP Grid Position Winners and Losers

So… what is the grid position “winners and losers”? I have alluded to the little game I play whilst watching a F1 race a few times on the blog. I’m pretty sure it is well understood. But for those who haven’t read those posts, a pictorial explanation is much easier (and funnier). Those that follow me on twitter may recall a rather bold statement where I claimed I would revolutionize the way my followers watch F1. So let’s get to it, eh?

The grid positions for each race is always divided up in groups of four. While they flash by on the screen, simply pick a “winner” and “loser” from each grouping. The sole factor for defining the “winner” and “loser” is the DRIVER PHOTO. This is a looks and photogenicity contest! Now, sometimes this is rather hard to decide because there may be more than one unattractive photo! Remember to play with your friends, it’s more fun that way. 😉

Without further ado, here are the Winners and Losers of the Malaysian GP:

Winner: Hamilton
Loser: Button

Winner: Heidfeld
Loser: Massa

Winner: Rosberg
Loser: Buemi

Winner: Alguersari
Loser: Barichello

Winner: Kovalainen
Loser: Trulli

Winner: Glock
Loser: Karthikeyan

Wasn’t that fun? Will you be playing this game next week for the Shanghai Grand Prix? Do tell… 😉

P.S. I do need a better jester icon. Hopefully by Shanghai I will do a better job of this. 😉

The Fight for the Championship

It’s a fearsomely close battle this season! There are just so many pairs of ugly sunglasses to blow everyone’s minds. Don’t worry, I have been diligently compiling photos all throughout the season. Here are the top competitors for this championship as seen in Monza:

As mentioned in my previous post, we have the notorious Michael Schumacher:

Though he appears to have less ugly pairs of sunglasses than the King, Kubica is a strong contender:

Despite loving his Lotus team sunglasses on his twitter account, Kovalainen’s sunglasses are quite loud and yucky:

@H_Kovalainen Many people saying it’s gonna be sunny; no problem i’ve got my green/yellow shades with me as well!

Of course, Baby Schumi (aka Vettel) might be the fan favorite to win this championship:

Are these new? I don’t believe I’ve seen them before. heh.

Who shall take this prestigious title? It’s an exciting and nail biting fight…

There are only a few more races to before we find out!

The Name’s Kovalainen

Heikki Kovalainen.

Somehow, it just doesn’t sound as cool as “James Bond.” Perhaps there are too many syllables?

In any case… this 007 studded shirt was… uh… “interesting.” Heikki and Catherine seem to have a penchant for bling, don’t they? To be honest, it wasn’t THAT bad, but Heikki was captured in a SUPERB pose. hahahaha. Somehow, this just screams “Watch out for them guns*.” Sorry, that was the best I could come up with after looking at that workout photo.

* Don’t get what I mean? Don’t worry, Urban Dictionary to the rescue:
guns definition:
Biceps: the upper-arm muscles

Example of usage:
Oh shit! I got the shit coked out of me from that guy with huge guns.

Work it out now

What do F1 drivers wear while they work out? Well, that all depends on the driver doesn’t it? Now we know that Heikki wears Adidas track pants and a British racing green t-shirt with his name in yellow capital letters when running at the track. Or at least while he is at Lotus anyway.

While I’m not saying his workout was fake… don’t you think it’s a bit staged for PR? I mean really, who wants to wear a t-shirt with their name on it? It’s kinda weird… sorta like Bernie wearing that jacket with the B on it.

P.S. I just thought of something. Maybe the green shirt is for camouflage. If he blends in enough with the grass, maybe he can get out of more workouts?

Umm, kidding. 😛